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"How to..." Just in Case...

How to Flirt with Strangers

How to FLIRT with Strangers - Boston Nightclub News

Have you ever tried to flirt with a stranger?

To some, being able to strike up intriguing conversations with complete strangers comes naturally. Whether it be the cute guy who serves you your morning coffee or the sexy cocktail waitress who you're desperate to get her number (think George Clooney and his current squeeze Sarah Larson), some folks are born with that innate flirtatious quality that emanates from their every pore, giving them the ability to flirt, flirt, flirt with anything that has two legs and a heartbeat.

The key, of course, is knowing how to lean towards flirtatious rather than forceful. But oh, the pressure! We immediately want to feel the chemistry, the pizzazz and the za-za-zoo ricocheting back and forth and a conversation that flows as freely as the wine we're sculling back. And then there's another small problem: how do we go from "Can I get two sugars with my latte?" to a seductive whisper of: "So... what underwear do you have on?"

I admit it's no easy feat. An attempt to be sultry and smooth can quickly turn into the cry of a bumbling idiot without getting across anything witty, wise or memorable if you don't know how to do it right.
Yet no matter how undeniably daunting flirting with strangers might be, apparently we shouldn't shy away from it just yet. Elizabeth Dunn from the University of British Columbia says it can actually be good for our health. She says interaction with strangers could make us happier than money or status because, when we meet new people, we put our best selves forward, which does wonders to boost our mood ...

The results of a Yahoo! Personals study for World Heart Day add fuel to the must-flirt arsenal, with nearly 50 per cent of respondents saying they felt "young, fabulous and sexy" while flirting. A further 36.8 per cent admitted flirting gives them "a natural high" and makes them feel as though they get away with anything.
No wonder my mate Jane - a single, 35-year-old super flirt - is so happy all the time. Her ability to flirt with anyone - men, women, kids, pets, it doesn't really matter - never ceases to amaze me. And the rewards are plentiful: hot date offers, business proposals, freebies, discounts, meals, food, service, upgrades (she often flies first class thanks to her charms), the list goes on.

It's as though she's adopted best-selling author Joyce Jillson's infamous motto which says; "There are only a few times when you don't flirt. When you're sick. When you're with children. When you're on the witness stand."
Yet, for the rest of us, flirting doesn't come that easy, especially for reader Pip who says that after being burnt badly by her ex, she's having trouble getting back into the game. "Lately when I'm introduced to men I could potentially date I freeze up," she writes. "I don't know what to say or how to act. So instead of being flirtatious, I come across like a complete bimbo. And I'm brunette!"

Aussie dating expert Alex Nova, author of the e-book Attract Women Naturally, says all Pip needs is a little confidence.

"Flirting has a lot to do with a person's attitude," he explains. "Don't be afraid to take risks and don't worry about being rejected. Smile at people, specially at the ones you flirt with. It will make you so much more approachable. Friendly people with a smile draw others into the conversation. Maintain a prolonged eye contact, however don't intimidate your potential flirt by staring them into oblivion."

The question many often wonder, however, is whether or not the person they're trying to flirt with is indeed flirting back. Are they into us? Or are they just still standing there to be polite?

"The most obvious way to tell if someone is interested is when the person is making eye contact," says Alex. "The more direct clues are when they are trying to touch you, smell you and do anything else in hopes of attracting your attention. Keep en eye out for playful teasing as this is also another sure way of flirting with someone."
And if there's one thing you take from this column, let it be the advice from the mastermind in telling it like it is, Greg Behrendt author of He's Not That Into You:

"There's nothing wrong with sending a quick note if you're busy or just want to flirt, but it's hard to have any real interaction over text. In the buffet of communication, text messaging should be a side dish, not the entree."



Horny Guy ="s Nice Guy



Nice Guy Right? - Boston Nightclub News


“Horny Guy and Nice Guy….Same Guy”


Daniel - Boston Nightclub News


Dear Daniel,

I’m a flirty girl and boys like me. So that’s not the problem. The problem is I want a guy that wants me for more than just sex. So how do I avoid those men.

Guarded In Real Life


Well GIRL, I don’t want to even answer this question because it wouldn’t really help you. Even if I had a magic boy love/lust decoder ring, it wouldn’t help. It wouldn’t help get you what you want, a guy that is into you for more than sex.

Why doesn’t it help? Because the guy that wants to have sex with you and the guy that wants you for more than just sex….IT’S THE SAME GUY!!!

Women in relationships understand this. The guy who empties your puke bucket when you’re sick, is the same guy that lifts up your skirt when you are making chocolate chip cookies.

It’s the same guy. It’s me. I have never cheated on a women, I don’t lie to women, I like to talk about my feelings, I know to listen to you and not solve your problems.

Men, repeat after me “I can see how you’d feel that way.” And the even more advanced “I see no possible solution to your problem, but I support you in whatever decision you make.”

I’ll dance with you at weddings, I’m funny (Not sunglasses on a dog funny, but funny) and I l-o-v-e to cuddle. I’m THAT guy. I’m Oprah’s wet dream.

But, on a first date, if you let me, I’ll will nail…you….to….the….WALL!!! Gorilla style, you feel me? And that sentence either excited you or repelled you. And for those that didn’t like it, remember, say it with me “It’s The Same Guy.”

I’ll slap your ass, but then bring you Aloe Vera cuz I don’t want you booty red.

I’ll pull your hair, but then put a little piece of your hair in my journal and write about how much I love you. At night we will do it like we’re on the Discovery Channel, but in the morning, guess who gets an omelet? The princess does.

And not a cheap omelet. Sun-dried tomatoes, feta cheese. Whatever my mom has lying around the house is yours.

Say it with me girls “Horny Guy and Nice Guy….Same Guy.”

And you know it’s the same guy. But you forget it sometimes. The reason you forget it, is because it is easier to forget it. See, when a man does something that makes you uncomfortable, it’s safer to just make him bad and think things like “Oh my god he was just looking for sex.” or “God why do you guys just have one thing on their mind?” That way, you can vilify him, make him the culprit and you can justify removing yourself from him. If you stopped and remembered what you really knew you’d have to go “Well the guy just did something that makes me uncomfortable, but I don’t really know his intentions, so I guess I’ll have to take a risk and see what happens.” That’s doesn’t feel very safe and in control.

And that is what this is all about. Control. You’re more in control if you can bounce the guy. Problem is when you bounce the guy, you are potentially bouncing the guy you maybe wanted to be with.

It’s like jealousy. It gets you the opposite of what you wanted to.

Of course there are men that just want to sleep with you. But, barring extreme cases, you will almost never know who they are. Men are incredibly horny, pent up, occasionally desperate sexual creatures. You put on some tight clothes and make-up and even the best men in the world will strike when blood is thrown in the shark tank. But it doesn’t mean that is ALL they want.

When you go to a restaurant and you are really hungry, and the waitress asks if you want an appetizer. You are really hungry so you say “Yes.” Well the waitress doesn’t say “Is that all you are looking for? God can’t you appreciate that food is more than curly fries and shrimp dip? Are you so shallow that you don’t want vegetables?” No. It just means in this moment, you are pretty hungry and something quick and satisfying would really hit the spot. So even though men can sometimes appear sexually pre-occupied, it doesn’t mean that is who they are all the time. You won’t be dating him and say “Hey want to go watch a movie?” And he’ll say “Sorry, no movies, just sex.” “Hey want to hang out and laugh with me?” “Nope. I hate laughing. Just sex.”

I know women like control and like to “know.” But you limit yourself when you think you know something you can’t possible know. I hear women sometimes say “He just wants to sleep with me.” No matter what you see, you don’t really know what he wants. You know why you don’t know? Because WE don’t know. Here is basically what many men do, on some level. We think “Look something shiny and vanilla scented is paying attention to me. I’ll play with it until it tells me to go away.” Sometimes we have sex with it, sometimes we fall in love with it. We don’t know. And if we don’t know, you don’t know. Sucks, but kind of freeing when you think of it.

Get out of your head, and in the moment. Not only is it fun, and you learn more, but being in the moment, is when you are likely to make the connection that will actually get horny guy to want to be more than horny guy.

The way to get a man to not just want to sleep with you is that he feels a connection with you, he wants to be around. And that connection is formed over time. Time you may not have if you are busy assuming, judging and running.

I certainly understand that women need a sense of control, but you have to make calculated risks. Because even at it’s best you can’t avoid risk. Even when you have done everything “right” life is unpredictable. You can be a perfect driver, follow all the rules, and still somebody can run a red light and take you out.

But even though we can be hurt in a car crash, we still get in that car every day, because a fearful life is crippling.

Dating is full of calculated risks. Nobody ever died from a guy not calling you back, but loneliness kills.

Ultimately it’s a choice you’ll have to make GIRL. Do you want to be safe, or do you want to find love. How does the saying go “You have to kiss a lot of frogs.” Well you’re probably going to do more than kiss, and they will probably be more attractive than frogs, but the key word in that sentence is “a lot.” Connection is rare, and you have to experience a lot, before you find it.

If you sleep with a guy and he doesn’t call you back, worst case scenario is, you still got laid. And take it from somebody that had sex once, that is not a bad worst case scenario.




Women Men Love... Boston Nightclub News


Women Men Love...


They're laughing because you were dumb enough to buy them $20 worth of drinks.

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How To Kiss Someone Passionately


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How Can I Tell If She Is Attracted To Me?


How To Get Naked Together For The First Time


Free your mind to GREATER SEX!

free your mind to GREATER SEX!                                                                                                                  How free is your mind when it comes to sex? Are you an “anything goes” type of girl or bashful and inhibited? By Keysha Davis

Sexually speaking, as daughters of the feminist and sexual-liberation movement of the 1960s, we’ve been left with a grey area where matters of sexual conduct are concerned. In our mother’s era, the order of the day was to marry young and start a family as soon as possible, which left very little room for sexual experimentation beyond the confines of marriage. On the contrary, we now exist in an era where anything goes and are surrounded by hyper-sexualized iconic figures such as Lil’ Kim and Jordan. The pressure to be “bad bad and wicked inna bed” is enormous. Suffice to say, many women struggle with sexual confidence and are pulled in both directions when trying to locate exactly where their sexual compass lies.

Church Girl sexual type

“I always considered myself to be quite a sexually liberated girl, until I met Jeff* when I was 24,” says Helen, now 30. “He wanted to try things I considered a little risqué, like anal sex and threesomes. He even tried to tape us having sex one day and would simply laugh it off and call me frigid if I refused any of his requests. In the end we both grew apart, but he’s left me with long-lasting insecurities about how good I am in bed.” Do you often find yourself analyzing your sexual performance and asking questions such as: Was I good enough, or Does he think I’m a bore? If so, it’s time to ditch those debilitating thoughts and liberate not just your mind but your body, too. Good sex should be about enjoying yourself, engaging your senses and having fun – not an open audition for a role in a porn flick. Similarly, if you’re holding back your sexual urges by not expressing your needs to your partner, you also need to give yourself a sexual freedom make-over. “Church-girl sex” and “marriage sex” are slang terms applied to women who simply go through the motions during sex. The greatest obstacle the Church Girl type faces is having the confidence to set her own sexual boundaries without fear of judgment.

Modern Girl sexual type

You sip Cosmopolitans, spend a copious amount of your salary on sparkly footwear, and mourn the loss of Sex & The City… Congratulations, you are a fully certified member of the 21st century, girl. And just like your Manhattanite heroines, you view yourself as sexually confident. Chances are you’ve bedded 10 or more partners and feel assertive enough not to lie about this statistic if asked. You own or have experimented with a Rabbit, the infamous vibrator that catapulted to the top of the sex-toy list. There’s nothing you’re not up for. Or is there? On the surface, the Modern Girl sexual type seems to have the perfect balance. She knows how to ask for what she wants in bed, and scoffs at the idea of a woman being sexually submissive. However, don’t be fooled by the faux air of self-assurance. Just like the Church Girl sexual type, the Modern Girl harbours traditional values and engages only in sexual activities that are acceptable within the parameters of mainstream society and her peer group. Up the sexual ante a notch. Try getting off with the guy from your office that ticks all your boxes but just happens to be from another ethnic group. Or try kissing a girl – you might even enjoy it. Don’t let other people’s sexual values make you miss out on all the fun you could be having.

Liberated Girl sexual type

You’ve tried it all – dominatrix, kinky sex, swinging from the chandeliers – and you feel obliged to tell the world about it. You’re so comfortable with your sexuality that others often feel uncomfortable with your frankness. Being this liberated sexually can often give off the wrong signals. Guys will probably mistake your openness for sluttiness, and you may find it difficult to form a committed relationship because men view you solely as a sex object. While we would never suggest you change the essence of your personality – many would kill to be as free-spirited as you are – just remember there’s a time and place for everything. Bear this in mind when revealing the sordid details of your dirty weekend to your friend while her grandma sits silently listening in shock.


Condoms You Gotta TRY at LEAST ONCE - Boston Nightclub News

Condoms You Gotta TRY at LEAST ONCE



Chris Rock's Relationship Advice


How To Perform Cunnilingus

Some consider oral sex the most intimate of all sex acts. Cunnilingus, the technical term for performing oral sex on a woman, can be incredibly intimate. To be good at it you have to be an excellent reader of her body, her breathing, her movements, and what she may be telling you with words. Everything you do is for your partner in that moment and not based on a performance expectations, lessons from porn, or previous oral sex experiences. It can be a bit Zen, but with more saliva.

Time Required: 30-60 minutes
Here's How:


  1. Clean yourself up!
    Make sure your hands are clean, and your nails are trimmed as you'll probably want to use your hands as well as your mouth on her. Shave your stubble—nothing kills the mood quite like sandpaper on her sensitive parts.


  2. Get wet.
    Many men have preconceived notions about the taste and/or smell of their partner’s genitals. If you're anxious about this, suggest a romantic bath or shower together and then go down on her. Getting naked and wet with each other is never a bad idea, and as you get more comfortable you will probably find that your partners taste and smell trigger more arousal than anything else. Some people use flavored lubricants, and many dental dams (great for safer sex) are flavored also.


  3. Start slowly.
    Most women won’t want to go from zero to oral sex in 30 seconds. Take your time and ease into it. Do other things you know she loves. Use your hands and mouth all over her body—which will nicely foreshadow what is to come. When she’s good and excited—her hips are thrusting and the moans pretty regular, head south.


  4. Get comfortable.
    This will be different for everyone, but both of you will enjoy this more if you’re both comfortable. Use pillows and be creative with positioning so that you are both relaxed and feel like you can move around. Some people will find it hard on their neck to lie between their partners legs with their head poised over her vulva. For others this will work just great. Remember that it’s okay to change positions and move around.


  5. Get the lay of the land.
    If you don’t have the body parts, you may want to brush up on your female genital anatomy . Most of the attention with cunnilingus is on the clitoris, but don’t forget the rest of her body. But every woman is different, and there may be other parts of her that will take oral sex from the everyday to the out of this world. Use your fingers to spread her lips and take a good look at her clitoris, her labia, her mons, her vagina, her perineum and her anus.


  6. When in doubt, go slow.
    A lot of women have very sensitive clits, so don’t attack her vulva as if it were a juicy ripe peach. Flatten your tongue and use wide slow strokes to explore her inner and outer lips, her vagina, and her clitoris. Imagine licking an ice cream cone. Start at the perineum and lick up and around her clit and back down the other side.


  7. Check the hood.
    Most women prefer to have their clitorises licked through the "clitoral hood." This is a fold of skin that covers the actual glans of the clitoris, which is extremely sensitive.


  8. Experiment with different strokes.
    In general, women tend to like firm pressure and repetitive motion. Quick tongue flicks against the clitoris can be irritating. If you’re not sure, ask her to give you feedback while you try different kinds of strokes—circular, side-to-side, up-and-down. Don’t take it personally if she flinches—discovering what pleases is often a process of trial and error—just try something else.


  9. Let her give you a hand.
    If you've ever seen her masturbate, you have some idea how she likes her clit to be touched. Ask her to show you now, or you can offer her your hand and ask her to demonstrate the kind of stroking she prefers by placing hers on top of yours.


  10. Use your mouth.
    Take her clit in your mouth and gently suck on it. Use your mouth to suck on or nibble her labia.


  11. Add penetration.
    When she’s good and excited, add some lubricant to your fingers or toy and gently insert it into her vagina. Move them in and out using short but firm strokes. Put your mouth back on her clitoris and lick her while you penetrate her. This won’t do it for all women, but many love the experience of clitoral stimulation and penetration.


  12. Keep a steady pace, try not to stop.
    Women like steady stimulation, so don’t stop unless you need to come up for air. You’ll see the signs when she’s getting ready to go over the top—her moans, her thighs pressing against your head, her body arching, her hands tightening on your head! When the orgasm washes over you, she’ll let you know when to stop.


  1. Don't forget the rest of her body. In terms of what's nearby, you can incorporate the perineum and vaginal opening into your oral sex. Let your tongue travel down and pop in and out of the vagina occasionally.


  2. If you are using a sex toy for penetration, she might prefer to work the dildo or vibrator inside her while you're licking. This allows you to concentrate, and her to get the rhythm she likes best.


  3. If your mouth or tongue tires, give it a rest, but replace the stimulation with your hand or a vibrator (unless she wants a rest too).


  4. It can take women longer to come than men, and many women are anxious about this. Whatever you do, don't make her feel bad about how long it's taking, and hang in there for the long haul. If you need to stop or change things up, that’s okay, but don’t make it about her “taking too long”.
Updated: February 26, 2008



Chris Rock on Relationships & Satisfying Women


Durex Global Sex Survey 2005 - Boston Nightclub News

  • We always suspected that the French were having the most sex, but now we have pseudo-scientific proof, thanks to an on-line study conducted by the renowned statisticians at the Durex condom company. But it's the British—to everyone's astonishment—who seem to be the world's most attentive lovers.

  • Other key findings: the Chinese have the most partners, the Italians the most orgasms, and chilly Iceland the highest vibrator usage.

  • Boston Sex Survey Coming Soon!

  • Courtesy of:  Mandy Schewitz & "Durex 2005 Global Sex Survey"

Durex Condoms Ad Campaign - Boston Nightclub News

Click Here a Big Pic

Would you, could you in the dark? Would you, could you in a park?

How 'bout in a car?

Or in the restroom of a crowded bar? Some women prefer their sex straightforward and uncomplicated - missionary with the lights out suits them just fine. Others, more daring in their escapades, aren't satisfied unless they're swinging from the ceiling. Just how sexually adventurous are you? Take our sex quiz to find out.

How Sexually Adventurous Are You?



How to Flirt



The (How NOT To Be A) "Bad Lover List"

Created by A. A. and S.W. (with additions by Natalie), loosely based on and with apologies to The "Bad Pet" list.

Heartless Bitches - Boston Nightclub News


The following are sayings that


 we would like our sex partners


 to write on the blackboard


100 times...



  • If I am inadequate in one area, I will compensate in others.

  • I will pay attention to my partner's responses and move on to something different at the slightest sign of revulsion.

  • I will not leave my socks on; it still counts.

  • I will not vomit on my partner's private parts.

  • Personal hygiene is good.

  • Spitting is bad.

  • Little pieces of toilet paper are neither a fashion statement nor a turn-on.

  • I will not laugh at noises caused by friction.

  • I will not smack my partner in the nose, accidentally or otherwise.

  • I will not lay on my partner's hair.

  • I will not tell my partner I wish she was more aggressive sexually, when I'm always being bossy in bed.

  • I will not limit my tongue's entire repertoire to simply thrusting stiffly (or limply) into my partner's mouth.

  • I will be careful with my teeth.

  • I will not comment on my partner's weight ever, in bed or otherwise.

  • I will be careful with my fingernails.

  • I will pay attention.

  • I will not let my partner down by abruptly stopping what was just about to make her very happy.

  • I will be careful with my jewelry.

  • I will wash beneath my foreskin. Daily.

  • I will not expect my partner to have the flexibility of a gymnast, when I can't even touch my toes.

  • I will remember to bring condoms, lube, and spermicidal.

  • I will practice putting on condoms so that I don't totally spoil the moment with unskilled ineptitude.

  • "Ouch" does not mean "ooh baby, do that again".

  • I will not make her sleep on the wet spot.

  • I will not attempt to suck my partner's tongue out of her head.

  • I will not be so focused on my "performance" that I will forget to have fun and enjoy myself too.

  • I will not make fun of noises my partner makes in the heat of the moment.

  • Having staying power is a good thing; doing the same thing for an hour is not.

  • I will not say "This will only take a minute" or "This won't hurt a bit" as it will only make my partner nervous.

  • I will not eat food with a lot of garlic in it beforehand, unless my partner does too.

  • I will throw away my own condom.

  • I will not stop to answer the phone, the door, or my pager.

  • "No" does not mean "yes" or "maybe", nor is it a come-on line.


Dating Tips: Five Signs of a Great Date

Perspectives from both sexes


Signs of a Great Date

Online matchmaking sites, chat rooms, and even Facebook have forever changed how many couples initially meet. Regardless of how you come to know your potential love interest, there will be a time when you have that initial face-to-face date. This nerve-racking experience can cause you to second-guess your every action. Without the luxury of a dating coach secretly transmitting step-by-step instructions to you, how do you know if your first date is going well? Authors Christine Hassler and Jason Ryan Dorsey offer you five signs -- from two different perspectives -- that let you know your odds of getting a second date.



1: You're actually excited to go out with him. And he seems excited to be going out with you, too. If you feel more excitement about going to the dentist than going on the date, you should have said "no" in the first place. Your lack of enthusiasm is likely to smother any chances you will hit it off, so either cancel the date or convince yourself to be open-minded. If he greets you with a smile and is on time, you are off to a good start.


2: He spent time planning the date. Did he think beyond just asking you out and make a reservation somewhere? Is he taking you to a meal or just a "meet for drinks after work" trial run? Did he print out directions and consider parking or is he obviously winging it? If you see that he has made some effort to make sure the night goes smoothly, or if he's visibly nervous about impressing you, then the guy actually thinks there's potential -- his intentions, however, remain to be seen.

3: He picks up the bill.


“Call me old-fashioned, but if he asked you out, he should reach for the check.”


Call me old-fashioned, but if he asked you out, he should reach for the check. If he doesn't, then either he's lost interest in you or he's just cheap. That said, don't order the most expensive drink in the house to go with your lobster. Be considerate. And speaking of top-shelf martini's, if it's clear to you that the only way to get through your date is to consume as many drinks as the waiter will bring, you might as well cut your losses, fake a headache, and go home where you can watch re-runs of "Sex in the City." The same is true if he starts throwing back the drinks faster than you.


4: He maintains eye contact throughout the night. If you notice he's squinting to see the backside of a scantily clad waitress, wait for the guy who actually makes an effort to focus on you. Your eye contact should coincide with a nice ebb and flow of conversation, not just him or you doing all the talking. And the date is doomed if he calls you by the wrong name or forgets your name entirely.

5: You both can't wait to talk to each other again -- and I stress actually talk, not send emails or text messages. And ladies, the only way he's going to call you the next day to tell you how much fun he had on the date, is if you go to separate homes when the date ends. A great first date always leaves something to the imagination...




1: She actually shows up. When you've been stood up as many times as I have, you feel a sense of relief when your date arrives. That feeling, however, can instantly vanish, like the time my date's father opened the front door wearing a flannel shirt and camouflage baseball cap. He then invited me to wait in the living room where he had conveniently spread his gun collection on a large table. I will never forget that experience. I also can't wait to have a daughter and do the same thing. No need to even mention curfew.


2: Your date laughs the whole time you're together. This is especially good if she's laughing with you and not at the lettuce between your front teeth.


“If your date isn't laughing, then you're not entertaining her or she's not interested. Both are bad signs.”


If your date isn't laughing, then you're not entertaining her or she's not interested. Both are bad signs. If you're unsure whether she's laughing at you or with you, ask her on a second date. If she laughs out loud, then you know the answer.


3: She offers to split the bill with you. Where I'm from, this simply doesn't happen. Ever. Maybe that's because the male paying the bill is customary in my part of the country. Maybe it's the give and take of the dating ritual. Maybe it's just the women I tend to date. Whatever the reasoning, when a woman on a date offers to split the bill, it shows they appreciate that there's no such thing as a free meal. When that happens, hide the two-for-one coupon you planned to use.


4: When you're out on the town with your date, she sees her girlfriends and insists they come over and meet you. This is a very good sign. It means you just passed the "good enough to be seen with in public" test.


5: Your first date is coming to an end, and you go to give her a sweet hug; and instead, she gives you a full-on smooch. Hello, Love! That sign is unmistakable -- unless she's been consuming alcoholic beverages and simply needed to grab you in order to keep her balance. When your date turns a friendly hug into a smooch be warned: Do not say anything! No matter what you say it won't be as romantic as in the movies. Instead, take a deep breath, savor the moment, feel the energy, wish her goodnight, and get out of there fast. You just positioned yourself for date #2! The question now is, when do you call...

Christine Hassler is a life coach, speaker, and author

primary sources chart
Past Durex Sex Surveys:  2001 - 2002 - 2003 - 2004

How To Use a Vibrator for Women

From Cory Silverberg,
Your Guide to Sexuality.

SINZ "Live a Little" Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board

Few if any vibrators come with instruction manuals.


On the one hand, you might think that no manual is necessary -- after all shouldn’t you know how to use a vibrator?


But if you’ve never used one, how exactly are you supposed to know how?


Most people do manage to stumble their way to pleasure with a vibrator, but if you’re looking for a few helpful hints here is a beginner’s guide for women on how to use a vibrator.

Time Required: For Your First Time, a Half Hour or More


Here's How:

  1. Get to know your vibrator.
    Take your vibrator out of the package and get to know how it works and what kind of batteries it takes. Play with the buttons and switches and find out how many speeds and settings it has. Wash your vibrator well before using it. If it isn’t waterproof, be careful not to get any water near the battery case. Check for sharp edges or seams (these can be easily filed down and made safe). Make sure the body of the vibrator isn’t coming apart from the battery pack and that all wires are solid and secure. If there are any flaws, return your vibrator before you use it.


  2. Start on your own.
    Even if you’re planning on using your vibrator with a partner, it’s a good idea to check it our by yourself first. You’ll feel less self-conscious and/or you can really concentrate on how it feels for you without being distracted (for better or worse) by a partner. Make sure you have a little time and enough privacy. If you’ve got roommates, children, thin walls, or nosy neighbors, you can always turn on some music and make use of blankets and comforters to mute the sound (you may also want to think about getting a quieter vibrator).


  3. Play with the lights on.
    Not everyone will be comfortable with this one, and vision may not be a sense you rely on, but playing with a vibrator with the lights on can be very educational and useful. You can discover specific places on your body that are rich with nerve endings and ripe for stimulation. This is the kind of information you can use on yourself in the future and share with a lover. You can achieve the same effect with touch, knowing exactly where the vibrator is, but seeing what’s going on can be a benefit for some.


  4. Turn it off before you turn it on.
    Get comfortable with the feel of the vibrator on your body. Run the vibe along your body without even turning it on. Notice how it feels. Press it firmly against your skin and massage your muscles with it. If the vibrator is a hard material this will probably feel nice. If the vibrator is a soft rubber and doesn’t feel smooth against your skin, try the above with your clothes on. This isn’t meant to give you an orgasm, but it’s a gentle way of introducing your body to the vibrator.


  5. Move your vibrator from the outside in.
    Once you turn it on, start by touching the vibrator to your feet and your hands. Run it up and down your arms and legs, across your belly, your shoulders and neck, your scalp and face. Again, you can start with some clothes on if you like. Even though vibrators are used mostly around the vulva and clitoris, don’t just jump to the main event. Get a feel for the vibration all over your body and then slowly move to the more sensitive parts. You can slowly move the vibrator up your inner thigh, or in circles around your breasts and nipples.


  6. Don’t rush: Explore every inch.
    The great thing about vibrators is that they never get tired, and they let you explore every inch of your body for sexual pleasure. Most women use vibrators for clitoral stimulation and many women report that one side -- or even one portion -- of their clitoris responds to vibration more than another. Think of yourself as an explorer, and the vibrator is both your compass and your flashlight (in fact some vibrators come with flashlights). Don’t rush, leaving a vibrator in place can allow it to establish sensation connections that previously weren’t there.


  7. Play with the speed of the vibrator.
    Most vibrators have multiple speed settings (or at least two settings). Always start on a low setting and work your way up. If a vibrator feels too strong at first you can put a towel between you and the vibrator, or just press it lightly against your body. You may find that on some areas a lower speed is all you need, and on others stronger is better. Some vibrators have “pulsation” settings, but you can also play with turning the strength up and down in rapid succession.





  8. Play with pressure.
    Experiment with applying different pressure. You may enjoy a lot of deep pressure with clitoral stimulation or you may want to hold a vibrator just slightly above the body. You can press your vibrator deep into your skin and massage the muscles while also feeling the stimulation of the motor. With most battery-powered vibrators, the more pressure you apply the lower the vibration feels. Also the stronger you hold your vibrator, the more vibration gets absorbed by your hand. Experiment with everything from a feather light touch to a self-love smack down, and find what works for you.


  9. On point or flat out.
    Most vibrators will have a point or an edge. Try touching yourself with the finest point of the vibrator. Next put the widest or flattest part of your vibrator against your body. When you focus on one point, the vibrations can feel more intense than when the vibration is being dispersed around a wider area. You may find that the feel of the vibrator on your labia, or above your clitoris feels awesome. Because the clitoris extends inside the body, deep vibration in this area can feel great, and different than direct clitoral stimulation.


  10. Using a vibrator for penetration.
    Most women use vibrators for external stimulation, but as long as your vibrator is safe for penetration there’s no reason not to try it. A vibrator that is safe for penetration will be smooth, have no rough edges, and won’t absorb bodily fluids. In almost all cases. it’s recommended to put a condom over a vibrator if you’re using it for penetration. You should also use water based lubricant when using a vibrator for penetration. You can put some lube on the shaft of the vibrator and with your fingers put some lube on your vulva and just inside your vagina.


  11. Exploring penetration with a vibrator.
    Start slow with penetration and get yourself aroused by using the vibrator externally first. While far more nerve endings are outside the vagina than inside, lots of women enjoy penetration with a vibrator. Some women will use a vibrator to find and stimulate the g spot. It has also been hypothesized that nerve endings in the cervix respond to stimulation and pressure. Pressing the vibrator against the top of your vagina (such as pressing it towards your belly) may provide g spot stimulation or even indirect clitoral stimulation.


  12. Using your vibrator with a partner.
    You can use your vibrator with your partner in any number of ways. You can control the vibe, using it on yourself to add stimulation during sex play with a partner. You can use the vibrator on your partner (or vice versa). You can also find a vibrator that fits well between you and your partner that neither of you need to control, but can add stimulation during sex. However you want to do it, it’s a good idea for each of you to follow the above steps first, and get fully comfortable on your own before making it a threesome.

    G spot vibrators


  1. G spot vibrators
    Some vibrators have a curved tip and are sold as g spot vibrators. These toys can make it easier to reach the g spot but they are no guarantee that you’ll enjoy g spot stimulation. Also, any firm vibrator can be used to stimulate the g spot.


  2. Safety tip: vaginal or anal penetration.
    If you want to insert a vibrator anally, only use vibrators designed for anal penetration. The toy should be smooth and seamless, and should have a flared base to prevent it from slipping all the way in. Read more about anal sex toy safety.


  3. Vibrator strength trick.
    If you’re using a vibrator on a partner and you want to vary the strength of the vibration you can do this by grabbing the vibrator tighter and getting a larger grasp on it. When you do this your hand absorbs more of the vibration and to the person on the other end it feels like the vibration is getting a bit lower. Loosen your grip and the strength will come back.


  4. Take your batteries out.
    Get in the habit of taking your batteries out of the vibrator each time your finished using it. If you leave the batteries in, the vibrator may turn on to a very low speed (or you may leave it on low without knowing it) and this can both burn out the motor and make for some embarrassing moments when everyone at dinner is wondering where that buzzing is coming from. Also, if you leave your vibrator alone for extended periods with the batteries in, they can corrode and leak into the battery case, destroying your vibrator.

Sexual Exhibition

Sexual Exhibition

Do you remember as a kid the first time that you stumbled upon a nudist sunning at the local lake, or even your friend’s sister coming out of the shower? Do you remember the rush, the sense of excitement found in that illicit moment? We all have felt that surge of adrenaline of catching or being caught in a compromised position, and there are a whole bunch of thrill-seekers out there who have tapped into this type of excitement, and have created a sexual lifestyle from it.


There are three basic types of exhibitionist-type behavior that you can enjoy with a little guts and gusto. First off there are exhibitionists who wish to display themselves sexually to other people, singly or in groups. Their intent is usually to surprise and/or sexually arouse the viewer, giving the exhibitionist an ego rush. The second is to display themselves and their partner sexually to other people. The third and perhaps most accessible to the general public’s more restrained tastes is sex in a public place, but without the intent to let others see. This version is more about the possibility of being caught than actually the desire to be watched.


The voyeuristic aspects of North America are fairly all pervasive. For example streaking at sporting events has become a common occurrence, and fairly accepted. Paparazzi have demonstrated the public’s almost unquenchable desire for nude or almost nude celebrities, whether on the beach on the French Riviera or on the red carpet in Hollywood.


Even more Extensive evidence of this exhibitionist popularity can be seen with the success of "Mardi Gras Flashing" websites, almost always featuring women (rather than men) voluntarily exposing their breasts, buttocks and/or genitalia. A similar, and more comedic but still overtly sexual, version of the same can be seen in the Girls Gone Wild enterprise.


We all have a small desire to be seen and to perform our sexuality for acceptance and ego boosting. Try it; you never know, you might just love it.


World Sex Survey Reveals Surprises - Boston Nightclub News

World Sex Survey Reveals Surprises


Getting Started

SINZ - "Live a Little" CLICK HEREThey say that to begin to do something scary you have to visualize it and then start in small increments. There are a number of different ways to acclimate ones self to the eroticism of being naked and exposed in public. By becoming comfortable to the act of exhibiting one’s naughty bits to the world, the pleasure derived from the expectation of discovery can be primary and not hampered by ill preparation. Watching videos that have exhibitionist fantasies can be familiarizing and potentially increase the desire and the wherewithal to carry out the fantasy. Some experts recommend starting off by either being naked in the privacy of a back yard or by making love to your partner with the blinds up, but lights off (this works best at night), so that it seems as though people walking by can see in.


Getting comfortable with the concept is what is important here. So any opportunity, like camping, or nature walks, that have the seclusion to reduce the possibility of being discovered to almost zero, should be capitalized upon. By practicing in this manner you and your partner can warm to the process and the ins and outs.


One way to increase comfort while preparing to perform some public lasciviousness is using masks or costumes. Sometimes it's easier to show off when your sure nobody will recognize you. Whatever it takes, a domino mask, or a full-fledged head mask to make you secure enough to shed your inhibitions and perhaps your clothes.


Another thing to consider is clothing. Sure, raising your shirt, lifting your skirt, or dropping your pants is always great for a quickie, but it's clumsy. To get naked fast you need clothes that come off quick, but they also need to make you look normal when you need. A trench coat is an obvious choice, but during warm weather a light button up dress is even better. Overalls are just as quick to get off, and can be used for basic exhibitionist shows too, if you find you're not ready to go all the way. You can also get tear-away clothes like those used by strippers. They're secured at the seams with Velcro so they can be removed quickly without any effort. If you can’t find such things and are not an expert in sewing, you can always try track pants, also known as tear-away pants.


Experiment with different ideas, keep it simple and try to enjoy it. The most important thing about this process is to remember that practice makes perfect, and that if this is something that arouses you, take it seriously, so that when you venture out into the real world.


Like any new activity you don’t want to climb Everest before you see if you enjoy humping up Kilimanjaro. Before you start humping in the middle of your chemistry class here are a few hints for the novice exhibitionist. When you have graduated from the small stuff, we have suggested a few more risky intermediate locations. Finally, as the student becomes the teacher you own creativity will be tested. We have sketched the details but have left the master 'strokes' up to you.



How to Meet Men


Not all of these suggestions are meant to be places or ways to have sex with your partner. Some are simply fun and exciting ways to show off a little skin and get comfortable with exhibition in general.

Joy-Riding – This is a great beginner, whether it is just getting naked in a moving car, or doing a little heavy petting while you or your lover is driving, the exposure is minimal and allows for easy getaways.


Off-Roading - Beside a busy highway is a great novice spot to show off your goods. The best is if you can find somewhere adjacent to a highway, like an access road or something that overlooks the highway but is inaccessible from the main road. This will reduce the exposure and contact with people. So if you want to do a little flashing, or a bit of bumping and grinding, this is a fun way to do it without risking too much. It is nice as well because you can choose location based on distance from the highway, close for more exposure and little further for the faint of heart.

Skinny Dipping - This is a great way to practice taking it off outside of the home, if you can find a private place that is secluded enough for your liking.


All Aboard: Lover’s Lane - Once people get settled in their seats they don't often move around. Choose a quiet time of the day, and wait until your train has moved off. Then start the show. Having a woman who can show off breasts or lift their skirts can be very arousing and easy to conceal. Using digital stimulation is easy in this situation without getting caught. Of course, you can vary the danger depending on the time of day, so that it is busier, with more people about.



Take the following suggestions as hints for increasing both the risk and fun of exposing yourself and your lover to the rest of the world. The more flesh the more fun.

Don’t Freak the Fish - A great place to get scandalous is in the water. Many times you can find beaches with varying degrees of population. The water provides great cover, and you can literally make whoopee in front of hundreds of people without them ever being the wiser, though some discerning beach goers may get what is going on.


Why, is That Acrylic or Oil you Wearing? - This is a great one for the solo- female exhibitionist, and even her voyeuristic partner. You can buy cheap body paint in toy shops, and a little bit of practice should result in a reasonable facsimile of a bikini top... People 'see' the bikini; they don't see that there isn't one.


Try Her on for Size - Go into a change room but leave the curtain just slightly open, so that if someone is at the right angle, they might be able to see into it. There are lots of levels of daringness here; the extent to which the curtain is left open and what you two are doing in there. You can go from just being nude to all out naughtiness.


When the Moon hits Your Eyes... - Start going out late at night. Especially in the summer, cool night air is lovely against the skin. Try walking along the road with nothing on under a light coat. Find somewhere comfortable to disrobe and then use your imagination. You can start by just being naked and move on to more adventurous things.


Just a walk in the woods - Take a walk in the woods, off the beaten track. It is good a place to get serious about exhibitionism since anyone who stumbles on you two will probably not be too disturbed.

There’s Enough Room for Two!... - Photo booths are not just for taking photographs to put into your passport!



This is the big league. Let it all hang, out, but be careful the stakes just went way up.

It’s a Beautiful day in the Neighborhood - Early morning, everyone should be in bed, but you never can tell. Use your imagination.


It’s a Party in My Pants... - Get a little too excited at an open air party… people don't usually care what happens when they're celebrating New Years, Fourth of July, or even listening to their favorite band at an open air concert.


When this Car’s a Rockin'... - Drive-ins, if you can find them, scenic car parks or even your local Wal-Mart parking lot, can make for some risky fun. Display, play, whatever, with a willing and enthusiastic audience.


The following are some suggestions on how to reduce harm and exposure and otherwise good exhibitionist etiquette.

  1. Do NOT do this in front of children!

  2. Check out the location before you start.

  3. Plan an escape route or explanation if the worst happens.

  4. Remember that other people may not like it, so be respectful of them

  5. Remember that you can get away with more than you think

  6. Have something available for cover up.

  7. Go at a pace that is comfortable for both of you. A daring exhibitionist is a confident exhibitionist. **This only comes as a result of experience, so don't rush it.

  8. Clean up after yourself, especially if you use protection (which you should!).

  9. Always be on the lookout for good sites

  10. Don’t be too surprised if you end up on a web site...


How to Flirt Like a PRO

Bad Sex...


By Natalie and Fabulana


If you aren't still a virgin, then at some point you've had it. You know... the REALLY BAD SEX. Sometimes the only way you can talk about it is if you are plied with alcohol. Other experiences are just so funny, you HAVE to tell someone.


The thing that may surprise most guys is that while men may talk about sex in the locker rooms in euphemistic terms, (and we know they are renowned for lying to their buddies), Heartless Bitches talk about sex with other women in EXPLICIT, GRAPHIC, terms, and they NEVER LIE. 


Think about it guys.  Girls DO kiss and tell. We talk about penis size. We talk about kissing techniques.  We talk about love-making techniques and fucking techniques. We talk about guys who are incredible in bed, and where appropriate, we laugh like hell at the ones who were just terrible. Heartless as we are, we DO cut some slack for the new or inexperienced guys. They're not the type that end up getting skewered by the Heartless Bitch wit.


So how does a guy get it on with a Heartless Bitch without fear that he’s going to be the laughing stock later?  Every woman has her likes and dislikes, so no technique for sex is universal – no matter what they try to sell you in books and magazines…. but we can start by providing a list of DON’Ts.  These are the things we agree turn us off completely.


DON’T forget hygiene!  Take some time in the bathroom BEFORE you get her in the bedroom and CLEAN UP.  Wash a bit down there fer chrissakes!  I can’t think of a bigger turn off than a guy who hasn’t wiped his ass properly…  And wash your hands thoroughly before – maybe you were cutting up jalapeno peppers, or maybe your hands are just dirty – but I don’t need to experience either the pain or a yeast infection because you didn’t take the time to wash up…


And on that note, for the beardless, DON’T FORGET TO SHAVE.  Jake Gyllenhall was quoted as saying that his experience kissing co-star Heath Ledger in “BrokeBack Mountain” was “Exfoliating”.  I laughed my ass off at that. At LAST!  A man finally TRULY experiences what it is like to kiss a guy who hasn’t shaved. Karma, I tell you! Now if EVERY man could experience that just once, maybe they’d be a bit more understanding.  Stubble isn’t sexy. It’s lazy and it’s painful. Kissing is NO FUN with stubble.  It HURTS.  And you aren’t getting anywhere near my clit with serious stubble. 

(and here’s a word to the wise:  Shaving with a blade makes a guy MUCH more kissable).


DON’T start “talking dirty” the first time you get her in bed. Or even the second.  Some girls like that – but you need to take time to figure out if that’s part of the play or not.  Don’t immediately assume it is a turn on for her because you heard some guy do it in a porn flick. Most guys who try to "talk dirty" just sound dumb.


Unless your relationship was started out of a mutual interest in kink, DON’T suggest anything remotely kinky the first time in bed – or for that matter until you know the person REALLY REALLY well.


DON'T give me an Olympic gold medal routine of all your best moves with the LAST girlfriend; I don't want to walk a mile in her figure skates when we're in bed. If I can tell you EXACTLY what your last girlfriend was into after having sex with you, you're not paying enough attention to ME. A new partner is a discovery, not a replacement, and each experience is a new one. That's not to say you have to reinvent the wheel with every new partner, or that it isn't useful to develop technique over time (we give thanks, indeed, to all those who went before!). We just don't want a mechanical performance, no matter what the artistic merit. Good intimacy involves being PRESENT in the moment.


DON’T withhold all sounds and emotions.  Would you like it if she just laid there and made NO noise, and did NOTHING to give you feedback?  If you like something, let her know!  You don’t have to scream like an out-control-hyena, but don’t hold everything back either. God knows, we have no desire to fuck a corpse.


DON’T jam your fingers up her crotch and see how many you can stuff in there.   Most men have NO idea what to do with their hands and are exceedingly clumsy when it comes to “fingering” women.  Let her guide you. If she likes it, she’ll indicate where and how. 


DON’T forget that the labia, clitoris and vagina are sensitive areas.  If you are in the midst of foreplay remember: Just because a woman is turned on and responding, doesn’t mean you should start jamming your fingers harder and harder into her crotch (with or without clothing).  Firm, gentle pressure is sufficient... Pay attention to her responses!


DON’T mention how big your penis is.  EVER.  Phrases like, “Oooh baby, I’m gonna give you all eight inches!” are likely to induce fits of giggling if not immediately, then certainly later when she is with her girlfriends. ESPECIALLY if you are substantially less than the quoted inches.  Believe it or not, we DO have some clue how big eight inches is.


Unless you are waiting for a call from a dying relative, or you are on pager duty for work, DON’T take a phone call in the middle of sex.   ESPECIALLY not on the first night you spend with someone.


Unless you’ve said it outside of the bedroom, DON’T use the “I love you” phrase IN the bedroom. Or on the kitchen table, or on the sofa, or anywhere else you decide to have sex.


DON’T immediately assume the woman wants you to go down on her without asking. Sure some girls really enjoy it but for others, it's a surefire way to give her a yeast infection. Not everyone's the same and until you know my personality and my anatomy better you could at least ask, and don't act like it's a blow to your ego (pun intended) if it's not what *I* want.


DON’T do anything for her if YOU don’t like it, but you think it’s something she wants. That’s akin to a mercy fuck, and what self-respecting Heartless Bitch wants that? Be honest; if you really aren't into something, don't try it just because you think you are supposed to "service" your woman. This isn't an auto bay and you aren't the mechanic. MY pleasure isn't something you do to me, it's something I feel, so don't try to take macho credit for it (i.e., "who's your daddy?"). The best sex is going to be with someone who gets off on their partner's arousal and overall warm feelings.  Baby, if you don’t LOVE what you are doing, don’t do it.  I’ve got a vast and varied repertoire.  We don’t have to do anything that doesn’t completely turn you on.


Apropos, be comfortable with your own desires, and be able to give AND TAKE pleasure. Nothing has a more chilling effect on the male sex drive than confusion (and believe us, this little secret works wonders if what you really want is to shut down the machinery!). In the consensual playpen, if you're confused, ASK. If what you're doing ain't working, don't look at US like WE'RE the problem. When the nonverbal communication breaks down, that's what words are for. If you avoid the "macho mechanic" and "gold medal figure skater" mentalities, it shouldn't come to this anyway.


DON’T get all huffy if she wants to touch herself or control her own pleasure in any way, as if that takes agency and masculine power away from you!  That's my biggest peeve. Guys who think your pleasure is something that they DO TO you, rather than something YOU EXPERIENCE. The means becomes more important to them than the ends. That's when you know the sex with you is really all about them--laying you makes them a bigger man, or something.  We see it a lot in immature men.


DON’T “command” her to come.  If she wants to come, she’ll come. Heartless Bitches are very good at directing traffic and letting you know what they need. They are not there to put on a command performance for you.  And here’s a newsflash – sometimes it’s not all about the orgasm. Sometimes, the journey is more important than the destination.  After all, that’s what tantra is all about…


That being said, DON’T forget about her pleasure completely and treat her like a sex toy.  You are having sex with a PARTNER – another PERSON… make sure you remain involved in that and get so caught up in your own pleasure that you forget the other person is there.  It isn’t all about you and it isn’t all about her.


DON’T assume that only the front of a person is sexy, or that if she turns her back to you, she’s done.  Hello! It COULD be Invitation City...


Basically the worst sexual encounters we have had involve someone whose repressed or macho attitudes get in the way of intimacy. Sex is an intimate experience at its best (by definition--duh) so there is nothing enticing or fun about mechanical performance freaks who've been drilled to think they know what women want. The idea that you can know me based on whatever you've heard or done before is insulting, and unimaginative.  


And if this list isn't long enough for you, check out the original "How Not to be a Bad Lover" list.

The morning after the first date

What to do - and what not to do the day after a great first date

After the First Date... What Next?

Ten years ago, the big question after a great first date was: "Will he call?" These days it's more like: "How long should I wait to email him?" or "So he texted to check that I got home OK" does that mean he's interested? Or what?



The details may have changed, but the general idea is the same. You had a good time, you think he had a good time, you’d like to him again, you hope he’d like to see you again, and you haven’t got the foggiest idea what he’s thinking or what you should do about it.


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The day after a great first date is an emotional rollercoaster. In the morning, you’re chock full of butterflies and radiating that rather smug sense of “I’ve pulled”, which makes you smile knowingly in the street. Careful: passers-by may wish to punch you in the face for being happier than them.


In the afternoon, you‘re still fairly pleased with yourself, but as afternoon turns to evening with no word from Mr Hot Stuff, the little voice of doom can start to howl. Did he sleep on it and decide you weren’t the gal for him? Did you mis-read his signals? Did you get your hopes up yet again over another lost cause? Should you just text him?


Yep, it can turn quickly from being fresh and exciting to being utterly hideous. Chances are the poor chap’s just busy at work or trying to play it cool. But with no idea what he’s thinking, it’s only natural for you to end up feeling restless and insecure. Here’s a quick guide to surviving the emotional swamp.


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DON’T do nothing. This will turn minutes into hours and make you a nervous wreck. Let him be one of the things you think about, not the only thing.


DO attack all those work deadlines and dull admin emails you’ve been neglecting. After meeting someone you really like, you’re flooded with the “pleasure hormone” dopamine. Using this energy for something constructive will leave you feeling good about yourself, and may help take the edge off if the loser doesn’t get in touch.


DON’T find out where he works and turn up for lunch, telling the receptionist “oh it’s OK, I’m his girlfriend.”


DO pull on the Marigolds, turn up the music and get cleaning. Your action-hormones will have you primed for the task. Once you get absorbed in the task, the time will pass quickly.


DON’T sit by the phone. Don’t even look at the infernal thing.


DO go for a wander round the shops. Without your mobile.


DON’T sit by your computer, refreshing your email inbox every two minutes in the hope of seeing his name pop up.


DO have a pampering day, just for the sake of having a pampering day. Switch your phone off and unplug the computer.


DON’T have a pampering day with the sole intention of being all buff next time you see him. Sod’s First Law of Dating states that the day you don’t shave your legs is the day you finally get some action, so giving yourself a head-to-toe wax n’ polish is just tempting fate. You’re bound never to see him again.


DO go to the gym, for a walk or run, or out on your bike… whichever exercise floats your boat. It’ll get the endorphins flowing, boost your self-esteem and acts as yet another distraction.


DON’T empty the contents of the fridge down your throat. Yes it will make you feel momentarily ecstatic and it’ll pass the time, but after that fridge is empty and you’re too full to move, you will have the self-esteem of a one-legged monkey that’s been sacked from the circus.


DO go to the pub with friends. Laugh and talk about friend stuff – not about him. Ultimately, they’ll be there for you when he’s not.


DON’T email all your family and friends telling them that you’ve found The One. Sod’s Second Law of Dating states that you will never hear from him again.


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So much for all the dos and don’ts… what you really want to know is, should you contact him? It is, if you’ll excuse the pun, your call. It all depends on signals he gave you on and after the date.


Did he give you a quick peck on the cheek, say “well, it was lovely to meet you” and disappear into the night? Not too promising. Wait this one out to see what he does. If he’s made no contact within 48 hours, I’m afraid it’s a write off, and you shouldn’t risk further rejection by contacting him.


However if he gave you his email address and texted you on the way home to say he had a great time, then go ahead and email him the next day. Wait until after lunch, and keep it brief and friendly, thanking him for such a lovely evening. That breaks the post-date ice and serves as an invitation for him to write back. If he’s interested, he’ll feel less shy about making the next move. Then you’ll be faced with the morning after the second date, and that’s a whole new ball game…


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Say what you like, what you expect, how far you will go. And expect the same from your partner.

Say what you like, what you expect, how far you will go. And expect the same from your partner.

Because good agreements makes good sex. (excerpt AIDS Awareness campaign Belgium)


If you believe what you read, Australians are a sexy lot.


If you believe what you read, Australians are a sexy lot.

We have sex at a younger age and with more partners than our parents, and if we had our way, we'd like to do it more often. But how do we know all this, and what does it mean?


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