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Guide to Sex in
& International Sex
with a little
"How to..." Just in Case...
How to Flirt with Strangers
Have you ever tried to flirt with
To some, being able to strike up intriguing conversations with complete
strangers comes naturally. Whether it be the cute guy who serves
you your morning coffee or the sexy cocktail waitress who you're
desperate to get her number (think George Clooney and his current
squeeze Sarah Larson), some folks are born with that innate flirtatious
quality that emanates from their every pore, giving them the ability
to flirt, flirt, flirt with anything that has two legs and a heartbeat.
The key, of course, is knowing how to lean towards flirtatious rather
than forceful. But oh, the pressure! We immediately want to feel
the chemistry, the pizzazz and the za-za-zoo ricocheting back and
forth and a conversation that flows as freely as the wine we're
sculling back. And then there's another small problem: how do we
go from "Can I get two sugars with my latte?" to a seductive whisper
of: "So... what underwear do you have on?"
I admit it's no easy feat. An attempt to be sultry and smooth can
quickly turn into the cry of a bumbling idiot without getting across
anything witty, wise or memorable if you don't know how to do it
Yet no matter how undeniably daunting flirting with strangers might
be, apparently we shouldn't shy away from it just yet. Elizabeth
Dunn from the University of British Columbia says it can actually
be good for our health. She says interaction with strangers could
make us happier than money or status because, when we meet new people,
we put our best selves forward, which does wonders to boost our
The results of a Yahoo! Personals study for World Heart Day add
fuel to the must-flirt arsenal, with nearly 50 per cent of respondents
saying they felt "young, fabulous and sexy" while flirting. A further
36.8 per cent admitted flirting gives them "a natural high" and
makes them feel as though they get away with anything.
No wonder my mate Jane - a single, 35-year-old super flirt - is
so happy all the time. Her ability to flirt with anyone - men, women,
kids, pets, it doesn't really matter - never ceases to amaze me.
And the rewards are plentiful: hot date offers, business proposals,
freebies, discounts, meals, food, service, upgrades (she often flies
first class thanks to her charms), the list goes on.
It's as though she's adopted best-selling author Joyce Jillson's
infamous motto which says; "There are only a few times when you
don't flirt. When you're sick. When you're with children. When you're
on the witness stand."
Yet, for the rest of us, flirting doesn't come that easy, especially
for reader Pip who says that after being burnt badly by her ex,
she's having trouble getting back into the game. "Lately when I'm
introduced to men I could potentially date I freeze up," she writes.
"I don't know what to say or how to act. So instead of being flirtatious,
I come across like a complete bimbo. And I'm brunette!"
Aussie dating expert Alex Nova, author of the e-book Attract Women
Naturally, says all Pip needs is a little confidence.
"Flirting has a lot to do with a person's attitude," he explains.
"Don't be afraid to take risks and don't worry about being rejected.
Smile at people, specially at the ones you flirt with. It will make
you so much more approachable. Friendly people with a smile draw
others into the conversation. Maintain a prolonged eye contact,
however don't intimidate your potential flirt by staring them into
The question many often wonder, however, is whether or not the person
they're trying to flirt with is indeed flirting back. Are they into
us? Or are they just still standing there to be polite?
"The most obvious way to tell if someone is interested is when the
person is making eye contact," says Alex. "The more direct clues
are when they are trying to touch you, smell you and do anything
else in hopes of attracting your attention. Keep en eye out for
playful teasing as this is also another sure way of flirting with
And if there's one thing you take from this column, let it be the
advice from the mastermind in telling it like it is, Greg Behrendt
author of He's Not That Into You:
"There's nothing wrong with sending a quick note if you're busy
or just want to flirt, but it's hard to have any real interaction
over text. In the buffet of communication, text messaging should
be a side dish, not the entree."
Horny Guy ="s Nice Guy
“Horny Guy and Nice Guy….Same
I’m a flirty girl and boys like me. So that’s not the problem. The
problem is I want a guy that wants me for more than just sex. So
how do I avoid those men.
Guarded In Real Life
Well GIRL, I don’t want to even answer this question because it
wouldn’t really help you. Even if I had a magic boy love/lust decoder
ring, it wouldn’t help. It wouldn’t help get you what you want,
a guy that is into you for more than sex.
Why doesn’t it help? Because the guy that wants to have sex with
you and the guy that wants you for more than just sex….IT’S THE
Women in relationships understand this. The guy who empties your
puke bucket when you’re sick, is the same guy that lifts up your
skirt when you are making chocolate chip cookies.
It’s the same guy. It’s me. I have never cheated on a women, I don’t
lie to women, I like to talk about my feelings, I know to listen
to you and not solve your problems.
Men, repeat after me “I can see how you’d feel that way.” And the
even more advanced “I see no possible solution to your problem,
but I support you in whatever decision you make.”
I’ll dance with you at weddings, I’m funny (Not sunglasses on a
dog funny, but funny) and I l-o-v-e to cuddle. I’m THAT guy. I’m
Oprah’s wet dream.
But, on a first date, if you let me, I’ll will nail…you….to….the….WALL!!!
Gorilla style, you feel me? And that sentence either excited you
or repelled you. And for those that didn’t like it, remember, say
it with me “It’s The Same Guy.”
I’ll slap your ass, but then bring you Aloe Vera cuz I don’t want
you booty red.
I’ll pull your hair, but then put a little piece of your hair in
my journal and write about how much I love you. At night we will
do it like we’re on the Discovery Channel, but in the morning, guess
who gets an omelet? The princess does.
And not a cheap omelet. Sun-dried tomatoes, feta cheese. Whatever
my mom has lying around the house is yours.
Say it with me girls “Horny Guy and Nice Guy….Same Guy.”
And you know it’s the same guy. But you forget it sometimes. The
reason you forget it, is because it is easier to forget it. See,
when a man does something that makes you uncomfortable, it’s safer
to just make him bad and think things like “Oh my god he was just
looking for sex.” or “God why do you guys just have one thing on
their mind?” That way, you can vilify him, make him the culprit
and you can justify removing yourself from him. If you stopped and
remembered what you really knew you’d have to go “Well the guy just
did something that makes me uncomfortable, but I don’t really know
his intentions, so I guess I’ll have to take a risk and see what
happens.” That’s doesn’t feel very safe and in control.
And that is what this is all about. Control. You’re more in control
if you can bounce the guy. Problem is when you bounce the guy, you
are potentially bouncing the guy you maybe wanted to be with.
It’s like jealousy. It gets you the opposite of what you wanted
Of course there are men that just want to sleep with you. But, barring
extreme cases, you will almost never know who they are. Men are
incredibly horny, pent up, occasionally desperate sexual creatures.
You put on some tight clothes and make-up and even the best men
in the world will strike when blood is thrown in the shark tank.
But it doesn’t mean that is ALL they want.
When you go to a restaurant and you are really hungry, and the waitress
asks if you want an appetizer. You are really hungry so you say
“Yes.” Well the waitress doesn’t say “Is that all you are looking
for? God can’t you appreciate that food is more than curly fries
and shrimp dip? Are you so shallow that you don’t want vegetables?”
No. It just means in this moment, you are pretty hungry and something
quick and satisfying would really hit the spot. So even though men
can sometimes appear sexually pre-occupied, it doesn’t mean that
is who they are all the time. You won’t be dating him and say “Hey
want to go watch a movie?” And he’ll say “Sorry, no movies, just
sex.” “Hey want to hang out and laugh with me?” “Nope. I hate laughing.
I know women like control and like to “know.” But you limit yourself
when you think you know something you can’t possible know. I hear
women sometimes say “He just wants to sleep with me.” No matter
what you see, you don’t really know what he wants. You know why
you don’t know? Because WE don’t know. Here is basically what many
men do, on some level. We think “Look something shiny and vanilla
scented is paying attention to me. I’ll play with it until it tells
me to go away.” Sometimes we have sex with it, sometimes we fall
in love with it. We don’t know. And if we don’t know, you don’t
know. Sucks, but kind of freeing when you think of it.
Get out of your head, and in the moment. Not only is it fun, and
you learn more, but being in the moment, is when you are likely
to make the connection that will actually get horny guy to want
to be more than horny guy.
The way to get a man to not just want to sleep with you is that
he feels a connection with you, he wants to be around. And that
connection is formed over time. Time you may not have if you are
busy assuming, judging and running.
I certainly understand that women need a sense of control, but you
have to make calculated risks. Because even at it’s best you can’t
avoid risk. Even when you have done everything “right” life is unpredictable.
You can be a perfect driver, follow all the rules, and still somebody
can run a red light and take you out.
But even though we can be hurt in a car crash, we still get in that
car every day, because a fearful life is crippling.
Dating is full of calculated risks. Nobody ever died from a guy
not calling you back, but loneliness kills.
Ultimately it’s a choice you’ll have to make GIRL. Do you want to
be safe, or do you want to find love. How does the saying go “You
have to kiss a lot of frogs.” Well you’re probably going to do more
than kiss, and they will probably be more attractive than frogs,
but the key word in that sentence is “a lot.” Connection is rare,
and you have to experience a lot, before you find it.
If you sleep with a guy and he doesn’t call you back, worst case
scenario is, you still got laid. And take it from somebody that
had sex once, that is not a bad worst case scenario.